How to Un-Break My Soul Using R.A.I.N.
You may have heard the RENAISSANCE Tour is now stateside and making its way to the Midwest. I would bet you’ve heard BREAK MY SOUL by Beyonce at least once. It may[not] be your jam but the lyrics touch on topics many of us can relate with. In this high energy disco trap song, Beyonce sings of quitting her job, falling in love, and losing her mind but liberating oneself from oppression to a renewed passion for life and living authentically. But what is there to do if your soul was broken and needs to be un-broken?
As humans we crave connection, but the overlapping systems of oppression we have to navigate can lead us to isolating and traumatizing ourselves with internal shame. Shame causes us to hide parts of ourselves in order to connect with others AND it’s difficult to connect with others without sharing your whole self. This is known as the relational paradox[x]. Shame and isolation are a dangerous combination.
“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives,” said U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy[x].
Community support and belonging are huge components of our well-being or reaching self-actualization. Relationships are essential to our survival but connecting with others and finding your tribe can be difficult and complex. Strengthening your relationships with others begins with strengthening your relationship with yourself.
You may have heard the phrase, "Don't believe everything you think." Internal shame can convince you that you will be never accepted for who you are. RAIN is a mindfulness tool often used to help people cultivate more emotional resilience with more self-compassion. When you pay attention to your feelings, you'll notice that your thoughts, physical sensations, and emotions are subject to change at any moment. RAIN can help you observe your feelings as useful information instead of an absolute truth. It's also a foundational tool for change in your mental health journey. Let’s figure out how this RAIN tool will help Un-Break our souls when we begin to feel isolated, exhausted, otherized or any other fickle feelings.
Recognize- notice what your experience is at the moment. Observe rather than react. Without digging into the narrative and reasons why, just identify what emotions you are feeling. It can be difficult to name your feelings but like most things, it gets easier with practice.
Accept- Give yourself a moment to feel your feelings without judgment. Don’t push the feelings away. Sit with your feelings and resist the urge to change the feelings. Do not be hard on yourself. Approach yourself with compassion rather than criticism.
Investigate- Societal messages, and familial messages turning into your internal voice. Be curious about the feelings you observe. Gently explore your feelings without psychoanalyzing yourself.
Non-identify/Nurture- let it pass. Remember that feelings are fleeting. Allow your emotions to come and go.
We tend to get stuck on the acceptance part because our culture teaches through shame. For example, digging in your nose→ everyone does it a little, we all get the occasional booger, but we’re taught to feel shame for that behavior. But are we exiling anyone who picks their nose? Probably not but consider how one might approach the shame around “nose picking” with the RAIN technique.
“I recognize I feel ashamed of picking the booger from my nose. It’s okay that I feel ashamed because I’ve always been told that it is gross. We all get boogers. Maybe I will grab a tissue and clean my hands. This feeling of shame won’t last forever, and I won’t let it ruin the present moment.”
When all of the feels begin to consume you, consider the following lyrics in verse three:
[Verse 3: Beyoncé]
If you don't seek it, you won't see it
That, we all know (Can't break my soul)
If you don't think it, you won't be it
That love ain't yours (Can't break my soul)
Tryin' to fake it never makes it
That, we all know (Can't break my soul)
You can have the stress and not take less
I'll justify love
We go 'round in circles, 'round in circles
Searchin' for love ('Round in circles)
We go up and down, lost and found
Searchin' for love
Looking for something that lives inside me
Looking for something that lives inside me
All the things you seek are ultimately within. It just takes time and effort to cultivate them and draw nearer to others who appreciate you flaws and all.